It’s us again. The gays. Yes, the sole reason Uganda’s corruption index refuses to budge. While everyone else is stealing lunch money from government coffers, somehow it’s our glittery fingers doing the pilfering. We’re in our secret gay headquarters—maybe a rainbow-colored war room with disco balls—conspiring day and night to make government officials embezzle funds. The gays, apparently, are behind every iron sheet, every inflated road contract, and every mysteriously disappearing public fund.
Ironsheets? The gays.
World Bank withdrawal? Blame the gays.
The 500 million scandal? You guessed it—probably a gay plot.
And just when you thought the scapegoating script was done and dusted, our dear president decided to blow the dust off and give it another whirl. In his recent statement, he accused the opposition of receiving “foreign funds” on behalf of us, the homosexuals. Allegedly from a U.S. Republican lawmaker. Because why not? When in doubt, bring out the rainbow boogeyman.
He cited figures so random they sound like the output of a broken calculator:
$600,000! $5.4 million! All allegedly spent on… brainwashing Ugandans into supporting gay rights? Or maybe just sponsoring underground queer dance parties. Who knows! The math never math-s with these people.
Meanwhile, the real headline—corruption—is left chilling in the background like an uninvited relative. No mention of government ministers giving themselves bonuses. No word on infrastructure funds disappearing faster than a boda in traffic. Nope, it’s just us—Uganda’s full-time professional scapegoats.
And this isn’t new. Uganda has a rich and repetitive history of using LGBTQ folks as the national punching bag whenever the country trips over its own governance. It’s like every time there’s a scandal, someone spins the “Wheel of Blame,” and it always lands on “the homosexuals.” That wheel needs recalibration.
In Luganda, there’s a saying: “Omuzadde tasobya” (A parent can do no wrong), or “Omusajja tasobya” (A man is always right). Which is ironic because the people loudly blaming us are often the same ones tripping over accountability like it’s an unfamiliar object. It’s the classic African gaslight special—when in doubt, blame the marginalized.
You see, this isn’t just about corruption. Oh no. We’re now the culprits behind failed political parties too! Enter: The president’s son, who decided to hop on Twitter to cosplay as a 1980s action villain. He posted tweets fantasizing about murdering any homosexuals in his political party. Why? Because clearly, gays are the reason his political ambitions are getting an eyeroll from Ugandans.
You’d think this playbook would be tired by now. But no—it’s a hit! A chart-topping single! Blaming the gays continues to be a national pastime. Forget sports. Forget music. Ugandan politics’ favorite game is gay-blaming.
What’s most absurd is that this tactic is copy-pasted from the same people our leaders claim to hate: U.S. Republicans. The very “imperialists” our president once said were trying to recolonize Uganda with gayness. Now their words are used as local wisdom? Please.
So here we are, a community trying to survive and exist, while also being blamed for the collapse of the shilling, potholes in Kampala, delayed salaries, and probably the rain not falling in Karamoja. We’d laugh if it weren’t so dangerously predictable.
But if we must be blamed, can we at least get a seat at the corruption table? Maybe a few of those iron sheets? Or is our only job to take the fall—again?